A shiny new apple in the old produce section

This weekend, while the rest of you were playing and being irresponsible, I was busy reading match.com profiles and looking for the next subject of the Pig in Flight, Inc. Emergency Makeover.

The line of wannabees goes around the block, downtown and then doubles back, girlfriends. So much NASCAR, so many Harleys, so many “toned and fit” guys looking for toned and attractive women to take to exotic places, share gym memberships and kick back enjoy a cold one in cozy out-of-the-way dives; so many tank shirts on men who shouldn’t be wearing tanks; so many sleeveless tees, knit shorts and beer cans; so much gray hair foaming out of unbuttoned shirts.

Oh my. I’m considering hiring on additional staff. The cries for help are overwhelming; I’m only one soaring swine and there are only so many hours in a day.

Imagine my delight when I spotted the photo of a normal-looking guy. He was balding and had twinkling blue eyes like he was caught in the middle of a great laugh. I clicked on him and looked at the rest of his photos. Very normal – no “sexy” leers, no golden eagles nestled in gray chest hairs (it’s OK if they have it; it isn’t OK if they think it is a turn-on.), no beers balanced on bellies…Just a guy playing with his dog, standing with his daughter at her graduation, picking up shells on the beach and at his kitchen sink washing dishes. (Is that really playing fair???)

And his profile was well-written, too. He sounded like someone I’d really like to know. He likes the kind of music I like, is well-read and likes to do the same sorts of things I like to do. He spoke of physical attraction but said that an intellectual and emotional connection were the basis for any real and lasting relationship. He was funny and I got the impression he is confident enough that he doesn’t need to lie on his match.com profile. He knows he’s a good catch.

Again, I couldn’t resist. I had to e-mail him:

IDGuy,
Finally, a guy who isn't featured in the lobby of the post office. I have to tell you that reading your profile made my afternoon and restored my hope. Wait. I think I might actually be smiling. Yes, I am.

Your well-written profile and photos are the shiny, crisp, in-season Red Delicious apples in the otherwise old and mushy produce department of match.com at the moment.I'm sure I speak for all the women on the site when I say, "Thank you, IDGuy."

Naturally, I was absolutely sure he was going to take one look at my stellar profile and gorgeous photos and call match.com to cancel his membership before packing an overnight bag and heading straight for Grangeville to claim the woman of his dreams.

Naturally, I was mistaken.

Thanks for the kind words. At our age we should know exactly what we want and don't want. I've met some "interesting ladies" through Match, yet I'm still looking....go figure. : )Best of luck with your search.

Call me stunned. How could I be on someone's "don't want" list? Is it possible someone is conducting an Emergency Profile Makeover on moi???

So I had a couple handfuls of M&Ms and got back to work. That’s what I get for trying to mix business with pleasure.