Mama's got her eyebrows on

A wonderful aspect of growing older is that your hair starts growing more slowly in some areas, like your legs and under your arms. Unfortunately, it also stops growing in your eyebrows – not your chin, mind you; that area has taken on a new vigor, but that’s another story.

In my new house, I have a lovely vanity counter and cute chair in the master bathroom. It just called for a makeup mirror. One morning I was gazing at the magnified and well-lit version of myself and noticed my eyebrows were starting to dwindle away to nothing on the ends and the brave hairs left were sad and pale. I used my eyeliner pencil to sketch in the sparse areas.

Better. They weren’t the right color, but they still looked better. In fact, did I look younger?

A light bulb flashed and I had one of those Ah Ha Moments. Although my mother doesn’t wear a lot of makeup, when she puts on her face, she looks younger, brighter and more polished. I had finally discovered her secret: eyebrows.

Just as the women’s magazines have been telling us, eyebrows frame the eyes and finish the face.

Although I was delighted with the beauty discovery, I was also bummed. I had reached an entirely new plateau of womanhood and joined the millions of WWPBs (Women with Penciled Brows).

Who hasn’t observed the trial and error period in which women search for the perfect brow – sort of an initiation to the WWPB. Take a stroll through Wal-Mart and you’ll see WWPB initiates with brows too heavy, too thin, cartoonishly straight and stark, or, alternately, arched and surprised. A blonde is sporting orange brows, and a woman with white hair looks as though she’s being attacked by a couple of fat bats. They’re all searching for the perfect brow and it’s pretty clear that many women are giving up too soon.

So, the next time you see me and my expression suggests that I have a fascinating story to tell or I just ate a lemon, don’t get excited. It’s just my eyebrows talking. Until I get this penciling thing down, they might be saying all sorts of things.




One thing they’re saying loud and clear: “Welcome to Upper Middle Age, girlfriend.”