Trouble in the Bedroom

We're entering our second month of marriage and things are going better than I ever imagined. Clay is a funny, sweet, generous man. He's also diplomatic and resourceful, which come in handy since he's married to me. We're getting along like a house afire, except for one small thing. We're having some trouble in the bedroom.

I'm tired of the chill that surrounds our marriage bed every night. I dread the cold shoulders, the icy attempts to bring some warmth into our bed.

Putting it plainly, we cannot keep the covers on the bed. There, I've said it. The covers slide off the end of the bed. They slide off the sides. We are forever pulling them up or over -- tugging, tugging, tugging. They will not stay put.

Maybe it's inevitable, given our combined girth. Maybe Mr. and Mrs. Chubs have unrealistic expectations from their blankets. It's like balancing a potato chip on a golf ball. As long as the ball is still, everything is fine. But if someone rolls over or tries to scratch something, chip overboard.

Maybe we need a king-sized bed, which would mean bigger blankets and a larger surface area. That's it. Whew! For a slender moment there, I was considering the idea that Clay and I should go on diets, therefore reducing our girth to something akin to a marble for that potato chip.

Until I run into a mattress sale, however, I'm going to try tie-downs or tent stakes...